Famous Last Words

I was looking through the last words list on Wikipedia the other day. There were a lot that really were not that interesting, but I thought these ones were quite funny.

Wait a minute . . . .
Who: Pope Alexander VI

Am I dying, or is this my birthday?
Who: Lady Nancy Astor
Note: In her final illness, she awoke on her deathbed to see her family at her bedside.

Die, I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him.
Who: John Barrymore

Je vais ou je vas mourir, l'un et l'autre se dit ou se disent. (French)
Translation : I am about to--or I am going to--die: either expression is correct.
Who: Dominique Bouhours, French grammarian

Now why did I do that?
Who: General William Erskine
Note: Said after he jumped from a window in Lisbon, Portugal, in 1813.

Das ist nicht wahr! Ich werde in der Montur sterben? (German)
Translation: That's not true! I'm gonna die in this dress?
Who: Frederik William I of Prussia

No! I didn't come here to make a speech. I came here to die.
Who: Crawford Goldsby, a.k.a. Cherokee Bill, when asked if he had anything to say before he was hanged.

I am dying. Please . . . bring me a toothpick.
Who: Alfred Jarry, absurdist writer and playwright

I wish I was skiing. [Nurse: "Oh, Mr. Laurel, do you ski?"] No, but I'd rather be skiing than doing what I'm doing.
Who: Stan Laurel, before dying of a heart attack

This isn't Hamlet, you know. It's not meant to go into the bloody ear.
Who: Actor Laurence Olivier supposedly said this when a nurse, attempting to moisten his lips, mis-aimed.
Note: In Shakespeare's play Hamlet, the title character's father is killed when poison is dripped into his ear while asleep.

All right then, I'll say it: Dante makes me sick.
Who: Lope de Vega, famous playwright, on being assured that the end was very near

My wallpaper and I are fighting a duel to the death. One or the other of us has to go.
Who: Oscar Wilde
Variation: These curtains are killing me, one of us has got to go.
Popular variation often found in "Famous Last Words"-lists: "Either the wallpaper goes, or I do."
Notes: Mr. Wilde said this in the Left Bank hotel where he died on November 30, 1900, the wallpaper has since been removed and the room re-furnished in the style of one of Mr. Wilde's London flats.
Quibble: He actually said this a couple of weeks before his death…
He was also reported to have ordered a bottle of the hotel's most expensive champagne to later say: I am dying beyond my means.

Die, my dear? Why, that's the last thing I'll do!
Who: Groucho Marx